Nails were being painted, food was being eaten, Grease was playing on ABC Family. Typical Monday night at the Stumble Inn. As we watched the 50s inspired movie, I started verbalizing my fantasies about growing up in the fifties, complete with poodle skirts, diners, drive-ins, and yes, even dating. The girls in the room also voiced their opinions about the 50s, wishing that dating still existed. The kind of dates where two people get to know each other before they kiss, where they get to know each other before they have sex.
You may be thinking that the dating culture still exists. Online dating sites such as eHarmony really promote a healthy pattern of dating in order to begin a relationship. However, my generation has been exposed to a hookup culture. The term “hookup” can mean a variety of things. Anything from making out to full-blown sex. And this is the kind of “dating” we have experienced. Apps for phones, such as Tinder even help us find people in our area that aren’t looking for an emotional connection, but just some “fun" for the night.
In today's hookup culture, a lot of our generation has never experienced a relationship before a relationship. Is it such a novel concept to want to make a connection with someone on an emotional level before making a connection with someone in bed?
While some feminists believe that the disappearance of the dating culture is a step forward for women (not relying on men to initiate dates, pay for meals, etc.), others view its disappearance as a step backward, a step toward self-objectification of women where they believe that their body is on display for the gaze of men, needing and wanting to be ready for men to take control at any moment. While the hookup culture places the sexual experience as the number one priority between two people, these two people sometimes turn their hookup into a relationship. Even people on Tinder sometimes end up dating. This reversal of emotional connection and sex in the order of how people couple up has placed some people in a frustrating situation, and some people in a position in which they feel comfort.
So if there are people in the hookup culture who do indeed value sex over a relationship, who are any of us to say they are wrong? No one. However, for those who feel they would want an emotional relationship before a relationship of the bedroom, how likely is it that they will feel compelled and pressured by society to make sex the starting point of the relationship?
After talking with friends I have noticed that many young women feel the need to remain "chill". They feel as though voicing their opinions about wanting a relationship with their "hookup" is crossing the line, and they fear becoming "the crazy girl he used to sleep with". So are young women today giving up what they actually want and who they want to be for the sake of men and our society's hookup culture?
This notion of changing who you are to get the one you want is not new to my generation. It can even be seen in Grease, the movie my friends and I had previously been idolizing. Throughout the movie, the main character Danny tries to become less of a "bad boy" and more of a "good guy" by trying to become an athlete to win over the other main character, Sandy. Even on his last day of high school, he can be seen wearing a varsity letter sweater in hopes of Sandy viewing him as good and clean. However, Sandy changed as well. At the end of the movie, Sandy changed from a "goody goody" to a "bad girl" dressing in a leather outfit, lots of makeup, high heels, and sporting a cigarette, in order for Danny to see that she is more than the goodie-two-shoes, “Sandra D”. While yes, Sandy and Danny, both the male and the female, tried to change who they were for the sake of the attention of the other, it was the man who won out in the end, stripping his appearance of the athletics sweater, and riding off in to the sky with his "true" love.
But is it really true love if someone is changing who he or she is? This idea can be seen by children young enough to comprehend even Disney movies. In The Little Mermaid, Arielle gives up her voice in order to receive legs so she can fall in love with Prince Eric, and hopefully have the feelings reciprocated. However, if she could not speak, was he supposed to fall in love with only her bright red hair, tiny waist, and dazzling smile? Again, promoting the idea that women are objects and shouldn’t be valued on an emotional level.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am 100% a Disney fan. The music makes me smile, and I will forever have some of the songs on repeat in my head.I still believe in Fairy Tales, and that everyone deserves a happy ending. I believe that girls pretending they are royalty helps them view themselves as someone of importance. The problem of Disney is when the story line tells girls they need a man to be happy, complete, and safe (but that is a whole other can of worms).
Although Disney doesn’t show two people forming a relationship based off of sex, is their version of sex something as simple as kissing? So many of the Disney princesses are saved by “true love’s kiss” with someone whom they barely know. Are children subconsciously receiving the message from a young age that true love and a physical relationship always come hand in hand? Yes, physical and intimate involvement is much of the time part of romance, but promoting the idea that it is the most important part leaves young men and women in sticky situations when they enter true relationships and find that it is more than a honeymoon phase.
One of the most interesting things I have found when talking to friends about dating is the idea of a first date. As young girls, many of us fantasized about being picked up to go on a date, our parents trying to protect us and intimidate us. However, more and more people I talk to don't really know where to draw the line between "hanging out" and actually going on a date. They aren't sure if they have ever been on a date with their hookup or the person they are casually seeing. Are we the ones who are making dating disappear by skipping straight to sex?
So now what are we supposed to think? What do my friends do when they don’t want to be the “chill” girl in the relationship anymore? What do they do when they are at a party and they meet a guy they are physically AND emotionally attracted to but he doesn’t feel the same (or vice versa)? What do we tell our parents when they ask why we aren’t dating the guy we hang out with and talk to on a daily basis? What happens when Tinder just doesn’t satisfy the emotional needs someone develops after realizing that casual sex may not be exactly what he or she is looking for?
These are the kinds of questions our generation will have to answer. And it will probably take time and it probably won’t be easy, considering most of our parents and grandparents grew up during a time of courtship and dating. However, I think being who you truly are and embracing your values is a pretty good start to exploring the exciting and frustrating world of sex and love.
You may be thinking that the dating culture still exists. Online dating sites such as eHarmony really promote a healthy pattern of dating in order to begin a relationship. However, my generation has been exposed to a hookup culture. The term “hookup” can mean a variety of things. Anything from making out to full-blown sex. And this is the kind of “dating” we have experienced. Apps for phones, such as Tinder even help us find people in our area that aren’t looking for an emotional connection, but just some “fun" for the night.
In today's hookup culture, a lot of our generation has never experienced a relationship before a relationship. Is it such a novel concept to want to make a connection with someone on an emotional level before making a connection with someone in bed?
While some feminists believe that the disappearance of the dating culture is a step forward for women (not relying on men to initiate dates, pay for meals, etc.), others view its disappearance as a step backward, a step toward self-objectification of women where they believe that their body is on display for the gaze of men, needing and wanting to be ready for men to take control at any moment. While the hookup culture places the sexual experience as the number one priority between two people, these two people sometimes turn their hookup into a relationship. Even people on Tinder sometimes end up dating. This reversal of emotional connection and sex in the order of how people couple up has placed some people in a frustrating situation, and some people in a position in which they feel comfort.
So if there are people in the hookup culture who do indeed value sex over a relationship, who are any of us to say they are wrong? No one. However, for those who feel they would want an emotional relationship before a relationship of the bedroom, how likely is it that they will feel compelled and pressured by society to make sex the starting point of the relationship?
After talking with friends I have noticed that many young women feel the need to remain "chill". They feel as though voicing their opinions about wanting a relationship with their "hookup" is crossing the line, and they fear becoming "the crazy girl he used to sleep with". So are young women today giving up what they actually want and who they want to be for the sake of men and our society's hookup culture?
This notion of changing who you are to get the one you want is not new to my generation. It can even be seen in Grease, the movie my friends and I had previously been idolizing. Throughout the movie, the main character Danny tries to become less of a "bad boy" and more of a "good guy" by trying to become an athlete to win over the other main character, Sandy. Even on his last day of high school, he can be seen wearing a varsity letter sweater in hopes of Sandy viewing him as good and clean. However, Sandy changed as well. At the end of the movie, Sandy changed from a "goody goody" to a "bad girl" dressing in a leather outfit, lots of makeup, high heels, and sporting a cigarette, in order for Danny to see that she is more than the goodie-two-shoes, “Sandra D”. While yes, Sandy and Danny, both the male and the female, tried to change who they were for the sake of the attention of the other, it was the man who won out in the end, stripping his appearance of the athletics sweater, and riding off in to the sky with his "true" love.
But is it really true love if someone is changing who he or she is? This idea can be seen by children young enough to comprehend even Disney movies. In The Little Mermaid, Arielle gives up her voice in order to receive legs so she can fall in love with Prince Eric, and hopefully have the feelings reciprocated. However, if she could not speak, was he supposed to fall in love with only her bright red hair, tiny waist, and dazzling smile? Again, promoting the idea that women are objects and shouldn’t be valued on an emotional level.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am 100% a Disney fan. The music makes me smile, and I will forever have some of the songs on repeat in my head.I still believe in Fairy Tales, and that everyone deserves a happy ending. I believe that girls pretending they are royalty helps them view themselves as someone of importance. The problem of Disney is when the story line tells girls they need a man to be happy, complete, and safe (but that is a whole other can of worms).
Although Disney doesn’t show two people forming a relationship based off of sex, is their version of sex something as simple as kissing? So many of the Disney princesses are saved by “true love’s kiss” with someone whom they barely know. Are children subconsciously receiving the message from a young age that true love and a physical relationship always come hand in hand? Yes, physical and intimate involvement is much of the time part of romance, but promoting the idea that it is the most important part leaves young men and women in sticky situations when they enter true relationships and find that it is more than a honeymoon phase.
One of the most interesting things I have found when talking to friends about dating is the idea of a first date. As young girls, many of us fantasized about being picked up to go on a date, our parents trying to protect us and intimidate us. However, more and more people I talk to don't really know where to draw the line between "hanging out" and actually going on a date. They aren't sure if they have ever been on a date with their hookup or the person they are casually seeing. Are we the ones who are making dating disappear by skipping straight to sex?
So now what are we supposed to think? What do my friends do when they don’t want to be the “chill” girl in the relationship anymore? What do they do when they are at a party and they meet a guy they are physically AND emotionally attracted to but he doesn’t feel the same (or vice versa)? What do we tell our parents when they ask why we aren’t dating the guy we hang out with and talk to on a daily basis? What happens when Tinder just doesn’t satisfy the emotional needs someone develops after realizing that casual sex may not be exactly what he or she is looking for?
These are the kinds of questions our generation will have to answer. And it will probably take time and it probably won’t be easy, considering most of our parents and grandparents grew up during a time of courtship and dating. However, I think being who you truly are and embracing your values is a pretty good start to exploring the exciting and frustrating world of sex and love.
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